I have all these thoughts going through my head. It’s difficult to pull out the ones I need on paper.
Where to begin?
For as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to impress people. I want them to think of me as a gifted person. I want this so bad and fear not holding up that I have withdrawn into myself almost completely.
It has a lot to do with my mother.
She was a very kind person, but it always seemed like she was somewhere else…that a piece of her had been left somewhere. I was very close to her as a child and something inside me told me things about her that I still know to be true, but lack shape or words.
Whatever was in her past pulled its corresponding part from me. I think it wanted a companion.
She’s gone now, so I can never ask her for directions to where I may retrieve our flames. I have to go back without a map.
I am building up the courage to allow myself to get lost and make mistakes. Maybe this is the hardest part?